Jenna's Angel Day-January 11th
January 2012-I find my thoughts scattered this year. Jenna is such a part of my every day life; especially because of the work I do. She's thought of often and her name is mentioned regularly in our lives. Others let us know that they are still remembering our precious little girl and that is really what keeps my heart from falling to pieces on difficult days like this. I can vividly recall the telephone call I received at work that day, the sound of person's voice on the other end of the phone, the frantic trip to the hospital saying "I don't know what I would do if something happens to her" as if in denial over what really happened. I can recall the 30+ hours we spent in the PICU at St. Joe's, hoping and praying that she would wake up, even after they told us there was no hope. I remember the looks on Father Charlie and Father Jim's faces as they were walking down the hall to see us. I remember how final it felt on the day of Jenna's funeral as we began walking up the stairs to St. Catherine's and how I completely lost all control of my tears. As scattered as my thoughts may be, and as much as most of those memories are heartbreaking ones; there are so many more memories that we have of the beautiful child Jenna was and the joy she brought to our lives. Even with days like this overshadowing joy, one thing that stands out for me is that I know we loved Jenna and Jenna loved us. That kind of love remains in your heart forever and someday, after a long, good life, I hope to see her again...
January-2011-This year Jenna's anniversary falls on 1/11/11. For some reason this date stands out for me as it is something I will only experience once in my lifetime. I realize now that my grief has so many layers to it. I think I expected by now that my heart would be completely mended, but I have found that the wound seems to open up when least expected. One thing I have realized is that my sorrow is a large part of me and who I am. I am no longer defined by it, nor am I ruled by it. Instead it fuels my fire and keeps me moving forward in all that I do. It is because of Jenna that I can help others when they need compassion and empathy most. I have learned to have more patience in life and keep an open mind and heart. She and Kelley are truly my life's greatest gifts.
January - 2010-Seven years. I seem to say each year that passes....wow...I can't believe it's been this long. In reality it feels like a lifetime, in my heart it feels like yesterday and probably always will. Losing a precious gift like Jenna is something most parents cannot even dream is possible, yet families are faced with this unthinkable tragedy every day. I admire the strength of the parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and loved ones that I have met over the past seven years. Strength comes in many forms......even in tears. I am blessed to have been able to share Jenna with the world, but mostly I am thankful to have had this beautiful shining star, even if it was only for a brief moment in time. Her smile, her joy, her blue eyes and little button nose are all embeded in my memory and her love is always in my heart. We never forget, we always remember, we live each day to honor her. We love you sweet little girl.
January-2009-Another year has gone by. This past year saw the loss of a most precious woman, Jenna's Grand Aunt Lorri. Lorri was an angel on earth and I can only imagine that she is at peace with Jenna looking down on us wondering why we are so sad. The pain in my heart still exists, but is not apparent most of the time. It is carefully tucked away only making it presence known when days like her anniversary are at hand. Something has changed over time though. We know we can truly appreciate and enjoy life and be happy. That feeling comes from within; from a place I thought was lost with Jenna's passing. Our lives are constantly changing and moving forward. Knowing that Jenna and Lorri are helping us along in that process brings me peace and comfort. Remember Jenna always. Share you love and take with you the knowledge that life can change in an instant. Never take one moment for granted. Love one another.....always.
January-2008-Five years have come and gone; five years since Jenna left this earth. It seems like such a long time and I can't even begin to find the words to express how it feels. A lifetime ago; a moment in time; a burden that has been molded into every part of my being; nothing really fits. Quite a few things have changed but the one thing I notice most is that we are enjoying life again. Everything I do is overshadowed by what is missing. But the shadows cast are not as dark as they used to be and the light shining through has shown me joy and happiness that I never thought I would ever feel again. It is a genuine happiness. Life has brought us so many twists and turns since Jenna became an angel. We are witness to the daily blessings of her sister whom I love in ways I couldn't possibly imagine. Nothing is a "given" anymore. Each moment, whether good or bad, is noticed and not one thing is taken for granted. While we have been blessed in so many ways, we have had struggles too. Everything is taken in stride; not for one day at a time, but instead one moment at a time. My heart has mended some, but there is a scar there that will remain forever and it will carry the pain and the love I have for my Jenna. My dear sweet girl who will live in my heart always.
January-2007-On January 11, 2007, it will be four years since our little Jenna has passed. Despite our great sadness, our lives have somehow managed to continue on. Not a day goes by where Jenna isn't remembered or loved. When you have a child your life changes drastically. When that child dies it completely changes again. You really have to learn how to live all over again. During Jenna's short life she taught me so many things. Now in death, she is still teaching me. My life lessons may have changed, but the growing process is still there. Isn't that what we do all of our lives? We grow; we learn; we love. During my grief journey I have encountered some of the biggest hearts in the world. It is amazing what people do in honor of Jenna or in her memory. People want to do nice things for her. That shows me that my little girl is still making a difference in this world and it lifts my heart to know that. While our journey of grief will never end, these days the road seems easier to travel. While we try not to think that far into the future, Kelley gives us so much to look forward to on the road ahead. She makes every step of this journey a little brighter than the last. Jenna is never far from my heart and she is with me wherever I go. She helps me to live, love and laugh every day. Thank you Jenna for being one of the most precious souls I will ever know. Thank you for blessing me with your love. You are one of life's most treasured gifts. From the bottom of my heart, I would like to thank you for remembering my precious little Jenna.